I’m not going to use the phrase ‘Festive Perineum’ because I disappoint enough visitors from Google Search as it is.
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Anyway, when my parents visit for the Holidays we decide that a brief excursion after Christmas would be wise. Jenni and I think long and hard about a good place to take a 4 year old, a 7 year old and two seniors. True to form, our decision-making process comes up with Key West, a world-famous Mecca for hard drinkers and homosexuals.
It’s not the place for a lengthy family stay, but there’s plenty to keep everyone entertained for the few days that we’re here.
The sunsets alone make it worth the drive down. Even I can get a half-decent picture:
On our last full day here, Jenni persuades me to ask about hiring Jet Skis. The guy on the stall tells me that so long as the life-jackets fit, we can take the kids out with us. I tell him that we have no experience of doing anything like this, but he assures me that’s most of his business. I realise there’s a part of me that was hoping he’d advise us to just go back to the hotel and open some wine…but that never happens.
Having duly signed away our rights if any of us get killed, and a blank credit card slip if any of their stuff gets damaged, we’re on the Jet Skis for ‘orientation’, which amounts to being told that the right hand lever is the gas and it won’t steer unless we give it some gas. There are no brakes. Avoiding sail boats, powerboats, catamarans, kayaks, surfers, divers, tug boats, other Jet Skiers, piers, harbours, islands, buoys, sand bars and manatees is (not unreasonably, I suppose) left to common sense. He does add that in the event of falling off, we should rotate the Jet Ski counterclockwise from a capsized position and climb back on to it from behind. How to simultaneously rescue a child is something else left to common sense..but being British, we’d sooner risk our lives and the lives of our children than create an awkward situation by getting off now.
Once you get the hang of it, Jet Skis are a lot of fun. Next time I’ll take one out on my own so I can go faster than 30mph without a terrified child screaming at people on land for help.